WASHINGTON D.C. -- President Barack Obama issued an executive order today commanding the federal debt and deficit to "shrink and desist immediately," even while refusing to pay for an extension of unemployment benefits with unused stimulus monies.
"By the power invested in me, as President and savior of these United States, I order this pesky debt and deficit to shrink and desist immediately if not even sooner," he said to a roomful of sycophantic reporters.
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