Monday, February 4, 2008

Mr. Exxon Revealed!

LITTLE ROCK, AR--On front pages of newspapers across the United States yesterday Exxon corporation was exposed as having made too much profit.

"Exxon is the new Enron," wrote one newspaper editorialist. "They may not cook the books but they just make too much money and they should give some back to their customers. If you pay too much for gas, complain to your local congressman!"

Reporters for PiT went in search of the owner of Exxon, presumably a wrinkled white millionaire, to demand that he give us some of our gas money back or we'll make him do so by passing a law.

We reached him - posing as a she - at a Walmart on the outskirts of Little Rock, Arkansas.

"Is it true you are gouging the American consumer by taking risks in securing and refining a natural resource and then profiting from that risk?" asked John N. Vee of Pit.

Ms. Exxon, who goes by the name of Ms. Jane Mittleclas perhaps to avoid scrutiny, explained that she owns fifty shares of the company which she purchased five years ago when she realized that increasing demand for oil in China and India would cause prices to go up.

Pit will not rest until we locate and identify every impersonation-of-greed-masquerading-as-an-average-middle-class-person, including those who try to hide their ownership through complicated arrangements known as "mutual funds" which are often stashed in private on-shore accounts called "401ks".

2 comments:

indigocomputer said...

That is righteous! Excellent Point about company ownership and Corporate profits. People complain about Exxon profits -- which are truly in part 'the peoples' profits. What about the quadrillions upon quadrillions of dollars that are flowing overseas to buy the crude that makes the gas that makes the profits? Funny thing is, if people don't want Exxon to make a profit, they just need to quit buying Exxon's product! Simple!
See this comparision of Corporate ROI: http://www.gravmag.com/oil.html#dollar. Of course, they're really complaining because the price of gas is normalizing and they're all driving gas guzzling behemoths rather than sensible vehicles ...

TS said...

Thanks CE. Indeed whatever happened to freedom? People seem to want to limit Exxon's profits when times are good for Exxon, but feel no such compulsion to help out Exxon out when times are bad for Exxon.

And you're right - it's FAR more disturbing about where the bulk of the money is going - mostly to the Middle East - rather than to an American corporation.