The New Beer-Serotonin Diet!

For a limited time only John Santmeyer is offering autographed copies of his new book, "Beat Depression & Anxiety with Beer".

Step-by-step Santmeyer shows what the ancients have long known, that alcohol provides a serotonin uptake increase that far exceeds diets or exercise. Research shows that human beings have drank alcoholic beverages for over four thousand years and for at least three thousand nine-hundred and fifty of them as a way of easing life's difficulties.

So try today the cure that your father's father knew - try beer!

(Paid for by the Beer Marketing Council, all rights prohibited, including Prohibition.)

La Raza, Black Caucus Lack Diversity

WASHINGTON D.C. -- On the heels of news that relatively few African-Americans attend tea party rallies comes even more shocking news - La Raza, a pro-open border organization, also lacks diversity in its membership.

"La Raza is overwhelmingly Hispanic," said a member of a local chapter. "There are scandalously few African-Americans or Asians or whites in the group. Thank God for misplaced white guilt or there'd be only Latinos."

Even more telling is how few whites are in the Congressional Black Caucus.

"Conferees are overwhelmingly black in skin tone, if that matters," said C-Span viewer Couch P. Tato.

Another media observer laughed when asked about the coverage.

"When La Raza has a rally of a hundred people it's never about racial make-up. When there's a few thousand at a tea party rally, for some reason it suddenly becomes germane. It's really quite funny."

Killer May Be Allergic to Death Penalty

An Ohio judge ruled yesterday that killer Darryl Durr waited too long to come up with his "allergy defense".

Attorneys for Durr were concerned that the lethal cocktail intended for their client may prove to have side-effects such as itchy eyes and skin.

One of the taxpayer-funded attorneys for Durr said that Durr "does not want to have to sneeze during his last conscious moment, nor does he want to have watery eyes."

A prosecuting attorney promised that allergy medications will be administered to the corpse.

Shocking News: Rich Athlete Strays from Wife

AUGUSTA, GA-- It's now been almost five months since the shocking news out of Florida concerning professional golfer Tiger Woods, a clean-shaven, trim young man who doesn't look like he would have serial extra-marital affairs.

Woods, 34, was widely portrayed as being faithful to his wife because he didn't look slovenly, had no visible tattoos and was not thought to have a drug or alcohol problem like fellow golfer John Daly.

"I'm just so shocked," said one naive fan of Woods.  "Not since Steve Garvey or maybe John F. Kennedy has someone looked so faithful and turned out to be so unfaithful."

News coverage of the golf star has quadrupled since the revelation of infidelity and shows no signs of abating.

"In a perfect world," said one social scientist attempting to find a reason for the purient interest, "we'd be more interested in the athlete who stays faithful to his wife rather than the athlete who doesn't. What is it about us that makes vice more interesting than virtue?"

No Legislator Left Behind

The Obama administration is beginning a new program to educate legislators who need remedial civics courses. 

Surprising....