Thursday, March 29, 2007

Most Ambitious Politicians - 2007 Edition

1) Hillary Clinton

Hillary regards office-holding the way most Americans regard breathing. Once referred to Lady MacBeth as insufficiently ruthless. Has bumper sticker that says, "Will Suffer Fools (that's you Bill) for Votes!". Once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Is so ambitious that it works in her favor since many think she comes by it honestly - it would take too much calculation to be so calculating. Liberal Democratic mogul David Geffen tells Maureen Dowd: "God knows, is there anybody more ambitious than Hillary Clinton?" The answer

2) Mitt Romney

Mitt studied chameleons in college in order to perfect his mirroring of the voter's stripes in a particular district or state. Like Edwards, perfectly coiffed hair is a symbol of his untrammelled ambition. Romney has yet to give up his Mormonism though, causing his 2nd place finish.

3) John Edwards

Desperation can make a politician seem more ambitious than he really is but Edwards's profile in cowardice by failing to fire anti-Christian bloggers speaks volumes. Attempting to win a few old Puritan voters in New Hampshire, changed his name to "Jonathan Edwards" on the '04 ballot and preached sermon entitled "Voters in the Hands of an Angry God".

4) Barack OBama

The wunderkid of American politics is 22 years old and has already written a book offering his prescription for America. Now that's chutzpah. O'Bama promises answers without actually offering any - always a sign of healthy ambition. Has signature line of clothing called "The Audacity of Audacity".

5) (Tied) Sen. Brownback, Sen. Chris Odd, that one guy from I forget where

You have $5 in the bank, eight people know your name, and there's a front-loaded primary system. Delusions of grandeur keep 'em going.

6) Rudolph "Valentino" Giuliani

Is running on competence, which means he doesn't have to be as ambitious as the next guy. Has proven to be as interested in wooing lovers as voters: reportedly has had more wives than all the other candidates combined.

7) John McCain

Straight talk? What is that? Not ambition in its usual flavor, although perhaps it's ambition by masking itself as unambition. Will have to do a lot more than talk in order to move to derail the O'Bama express, let alone challenge Edwards.

8) Dennis Kucinich

Only in it for the chicks and free vegan dinners.

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