Friday, November 7, 2008

Big Government posts record US quarter

By Amanda Shooterkiss, APO Business Writer
Big Government shatters own record for largest windfall profit from operations by a burgeoning bureaucracy.

WASHINGTON,D.C. (AP) -- The U.S. Government (ticker: GUV), the world's most bloated bureaucracy, reported income Thursday that shattered its own record for the biggest profit from operations by a burgeoning bureaucracy, earning $666 billion in the third quarter. A careful analysis of the factors contributing to Big Government's growth show 2003's tax cuts as the most definitive cause.

The Washington,D.C.-based company has reported unprecedented back-to-back quarters, the end of the most recent coinciding with a rapid plunge in economic benchmarks which does not bode well for the coming quarter. Not to worry says CEO and President-elect Obama who has promised to grow Big Government in good times and in bad.

"We've relied entirely too much on tax cuts to fuel these record Big Government receipts and that has left us open to major fluctuations. I intend to raise taxes which provides a finer level of control over..." - here it appeared that Obama started to say 'you' before catching himself and glancing at the teleprompter more closely - "...future tax receipts. I promise that I will make Big Government the biggest its ever been."

Also helping GUV's bottom line were record tax receipts from oil companies like Exxon. Exxon, alone, contributed nearly $11 billion dollars to Big Government in the most recent quarter - a monumental record. Bureaucrats in GUV have their eye on the remaining $14 billion in profits that Exxon selfishly distributes to its shareholders. "It's all your money," new CEO Obama tells shareholders left holding the government's bag...

Economists note that Big Government has increased its annual budget every year since 1965 - in good times and in bad. -from special guest poster Richard Beach

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