Ballplayer Fails Drug Test; Blames Space Aliens

NEW YORK, NY -- Manny Ramierez was suspended for 50 games by Major League Baseball yesterday after failing a team drug test.

There was no immediate comment from the commissioner's office concerning the specific violation other than Ramierez tested positively for a banned substance.

"Recently I was driving in the New Mexican desert and from out of nowhere the sky opened up, " Ramirez said at a press conference in Los Angeles. "There was this large sphere that had orange and green lights on it, and it emitted a laser beam that stopped my car and one of the aliens popped out of the hovercraft and injected me with what I now assume was a banned substance."