NASA Official Urges Civil Disobedience

NASA's 8 year, $273,000,000 greenhouse gas satellite crashed back to earth after failing to separate from its launch rocket and make orbit, but that hasn't crashed NASA's enthusiasm for promoting guesswork and conjecture as "science" about the cause of global warming.

Dr James E. Hansen, long-time head of the NASA Goddard Institute for Space Studies in New York is speaking out about what he claims is the "main cause of global warming" -- coal. "The science is very clear on that ..." he states. He goes further to urge civil disobedience on March 2nd at the coal fired power plant in Washington D.C.

Even if we pretend for a minute that global warming is caused by the release of Carbon from burning fossil fuels, coal burning power plants only account for 37.2% of the United State's output of CO2. Considering the US isn't the only carbon emitter on the planet, his claim that coal burning power plants are the "main cause of global warming" sounds kinda ridiculous.

The truth is the debate about Global Warming is still ongoing -- with many scientists doubting Global Warming is man-made since there is no evidence that an increase in CO2 from 0.025% to 0.035% would have any effect on climate. In fact, there is hard evidence (rather than guesswork and conjecture) the earth has been cooling each year since 2001.

It might be appropriate that Jensen is employed to study space, because there appears to be some of it between his ears. When Jensen says the science is clear, he's not kidding -- the world has been cooling for the last 8 years. Most climatologists and scientists agree there is a correlation between Earth's average temperature and sunspot activity, and they cite that as the reason for the recent cooling trend on Earth.

If that's the case, then the climate on Earth is controlled solely by the Sun's output, which is really the only thing that makes sense anyway. What I can't figure out is how this guy's been head of Space Studies and he doesn't know the difference between facts and conjecture.    -CE

Recession Shortened in Age of Hurry

WASHINGTON D.C.-- Shorter attention spans and declining levels of patience with bad times have been credited for reports that the recession will be shorter than anticipated.

"Americans just don't have time for a long recession," said a Federal Reserve member. "Nor the patience for it. The Iraq War shows that people won't put up with anything trying for very long."

NASA Satellite Fails Due to Global Warming

PiT, Columbus OH-- A NASA satellite crashed back to Earth about three minutes after launch early Tuesday, officials said.

"We could not make orbit," NASA program manager John Brunschwyler said. Initial indications are the vehicle did not have enough power to overcome the effects of Global Warming. The $273 million dollar satellite fell back to earth and was lost in the ocean.

The satellite, called the Orbiting Carbon Observatory, would have collected "precise global measurements of carbon dioxide (CO2) in the Earth's atmosphere" to help better observe the changes in carbon dioxide and the effect that these changes may have on the Earth's climate.

So, for now, NASA will have to continue to use guess and guile to convince people that Global Warming is man-made, real, and a result of additional CO2 released by the burning of fossil fuels.   -CE

Unicorn Plan Inspires Needed Confidence

WASHINGTON D.C.-- Leaders of the House and Senate met today to iron out the shocking non-details of a new stimulus package that will cost the taxpayers absolutely nothing. Dubbed "the unicorn plan" by cynics, many economists say it is an improvement over previous Congressional plans.

"Our polling shows that merely talking about passing an $820b stimulus package is making Americans think the economy is worse than it is and thus will further it undermine consumer and credit confidence. Americans don't see spiraling further into debt as the solution. So we've decided on the '2009 Imaginary Stimulus Act'."

The new imaginary plan already has the votes of all one hundred senators and over 400 House votes. Liberal members see it as adding 300 million jobs via public works programs that will disproportionately favor women and minorites. Conservatives see it as an across-the-board 100% tax cut. Reports say the final vote could come as early as Thursday.

"The purpose of the stimulus is confidence, and so if the American people promise to be confident we won't have to spend a bazillion dollars of their money. I wouldn't call it blackmail exactly, but it does imply a threat: stop fretting or you'll make your country a banana republic."

Regrets, Bruce Has a Few

While Bruce Springsteen laments the signing of an exclusive 'Best Of' record deal with Walmart, his fans lament the re-release of songs that have all been released before on this very record.

Joe Public asks; "Why would we buy this CD? It's all old music that's been released previously, who wants that?"

Springsteen replied to his fans concerns with a quip: "I'm a very busy man. To expect me to release only new music on new CDs is very selfish of my fans, and I'm very disappointed in them." - CE