Ashley Resembled Hillary's Remark

Concerning the Mexican drug wars last week, Sec. of State Hillary Clnton partially blamed America for providing a huge market for illegal drugs.

Clinton might have been talking to a certain fellow cabinent member's daughter. Word has it that a photo of Ashley Biden using cocaine has surfaced and then quickly de-surfaced. A person in the State department told this PiT reporter that "perhaps the war against drugs can be renewed starting in the Executive Office Building."

Local Man Needs Stiff Drink Before 401k Viewing

LEXINGTON, KY-- Local resident Will Havetoworkforever received his 401k statement in the mail yesterday and had to take a couple drinks before opening it.

"I needed a bit of Dutch courage before seeing those numbers," he said by phone. "My nest egg is evaporating faster than the Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Oz."

Limbaugh Knighted Leader by Opposition

In an unprecedented exercise of chutzpah, the Obama Administration aided by a water-carrying press corps knighted Rush Limbaugh as leader of the Republican party.

The title carries with it no duties, and has no meaning outside of its usefulness as a tool for anti-Republican propaganda.

Many outside the Administration find it ironic that the first non-tax cheat appointed by Obama would be a Republican appointed to an imaginary position using imaginary powers.

"Catholics for Anti-Catholic Policies" Formed

[Inspired by this.]
WASHINGTON D.C.-- A new lobby group with a suprisingly frank name is making its way around K street: "Catholics for Anti-Catholic Policies" or CACP.

A spokesperson at a press conference said yesterday that they intend to "promote policies inimical to Catholic Church teaching" while in the background the chant "keep your rosary off my hosiery" began, presumably referring to church teaching on sexual sin.

The group's mission statement, found on their website, says:

Catholics for Anti-Catholic Policies (CACP), with more than three thousand members and supporters, is already the largest Catholic anti-Catholic organization in the world.

CACP focuses its attention on areas of public policy that the Church has spoken definitively on, in order to correct it in love. Specifically, we are pro-abortion except in cases where the mother really, really wants the child and lives in a country without overpopulation problems. We are for embryonic stem cell research, as well as for marital rights being extended to homosexuals, trisexuals, unisexuals, polygamists, trigamists -- in other words, any group ending in "ist" or "ual". We are also for human cloning, especially the cloning of progressives. We assert that the church is wrong on euthanasia and ought speak out more forcefully for suppression of hate speech, i.e. conservative talk radio.

When asked how it was that they could call themselves Catholic, the spokesperson said that they intended to reform the Church from within, adding "who died and left the Pope in charge?"


From catholiccartoonblog.blogspot.com

You Just Can't Buy Much With a Billion Dollars Anymore ...

Nowadays, with the Obama Administration throwing around billions of taxpayer dollars like rice at a wedding, a billion dollars just doesn't seem like the stack of money it once represented. In fact, its hard to see what the US taxpayer has gotten for the thousand-million dollars they've thrown at the banking industry over the last 6 months.

Here's another case in point: Zimbabwe billion dollar bills are on sale on eBay for fire sale prices. Here's an auction that saw 80 billion Z$ sold for just $10.53, and that includes free shipping!

Zimbabwe New Economic Model for Venezuela

As Zimbabwe's impressive success with their nationalization program and the resultant economic boom continues unabated, Venezuelan President and Economic Mastermind Hugo Chavez has adopted the same formula for success in Venezuela. "It's true we do have massive oil reserves, and that works against our success," stated Chavez, "but we hope to overcome that handicap and repeat Zimbabwe's economic gains in short order."

"Every citizen of Zimbabwe is a billionaire!" says Chavez. They use money to light cigars, as toilet paper, and many have so much they just throw it away. What a paradise it must be! "This is the kind of paradise I want for all Venezuelans."

Since 2007, Chavez has taken swift and decisive action to nationalize all major companies in Venezuela. First it was Power, Telecom and Oil companies. Soon to follow were banks, steel, cement, and now with his latest action the Venezuelan Gov't has seized control of rice plants who refused "to produce rice at prices set by the government."

"Venezuela's inflation rate is the highest in Latin America," beamed Chavez in a televised address, "but we've got a ways to go before we get to the sky-high target Zimbabwe has set for us. If we all work together, we can make Venezuela a paradise just like Zimbabwe."  -CE