All My Readin' Friends

To tune of Hank Williams Jr's "All My Rowdy Friends":

I got ink smudge on my blue jeans, dropped a Bible on my hand
Lord, it's hard to be a reading man.
I got readers who can write, I got readers who can rhyme
I got readers who can do anything in between,
I got to get ready, make everything just right
'cuz all my readin' friends are coming over tonight...

REF:
Do you want a book?
Do you wanna read?
Hey honey this is ole TS,
Ready to get the thing started.
Got BookTV on the set,
Got some tea on ice
And all my readin' friends are coming over tonight....

Now my readin' pad is in the suburb 'hood,
It's long, long way from here to Hollywood,
But I got some natural booksmells out on the floor
And ole Walker Percy's grandson just walked through the door.
Got a little bookroom here just made for ten,
And you can jump out and you can jump in.
You can do anything that you want to do,
But uh uhh, don't you step on my bifocals...

Do you want a book?
Do you wanna read?
Hey this is ole Thomas,
ready to get your winter started.
We got C-Span on the tube and some tea on ice
And all my bloggin' friends are coming over tonight...
Do you want to read, hey do you wanna book?
Hey hey this is rockin' Randall T
Ready to get the wintertime started.
Got Brian Lamb on tap and some tea on ice,
And all my rowdy blogger's coming over tonight.
Dat's right. Come on in!

The Ant and the Grasshopper

Found on the 'net:

OLD VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away...Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

____
MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away...

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving. Since there was a Republican president in office at the time, CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. "How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?"

ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house. Democrat leaders blame Ronald Reagan and Herbert Hoover. Others exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share..

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2010.

Lions, Colliders, and Bears, Oh My!

Humor is Offensive to SCIRG Group

The Coalition for Humane Immigrant Rights of Los Angeles, a Southern California immigrant rights group, asked Target to quit selling an 'illegal alien' Halloween costume because they claim they've lost their sense of humor.

"Nothing is funny anymore, and that includes Halloween," a spokesman for SCIRG said. "If we can't laugh, then no one should be allowed to laugh."

As the next step in their campaign on humor, they plan on asking all National Sunday papers to remove the Sunday Funnies section from their papers. - CE

GWAs Faith is Shaken Further this Year

Even as much of the U.S. sees lower than normal temperatures this summer and fall, Global Warming Activists are clinging to their hope that man's ill deeds, including the burning of fossil fuels, are going to bring on Armageddon. They've turned to new simple slogans to try to convince people that Global Warming is real, man-made, and the result of CO2 in the atmosphere.

"This is weather, and weather changes daily," said one GWA who asked to remain anonymous because he was not confident enough to speak for the GWA Movement. "With Global Warming, we're talking about long-term trends, not daily weather, I think." Another stated flatly that "science has proven the link between the burning of fossil fuels and Global Warming, so I don't know why the Earth is cooling."

The Earth's average temp has decreased each year since 1998, and that's really taken the wind out of the sales of the GWA movement. "How can we convince people that man's going to bring on the end of the world when the Earth refuses to cooperate?" -CE.

Obama to Donate Prize $$ to Acorn

WASHINGTON D.C. - The White House issued a statement today saying that the $1.4 million dollars that comes with winning the Nobel Peace Prize will be donated to Acorn towards an ad campaign.

White House director Charlie Corruptin said, "Acorn's fallen on hard times. They've had a million dollars embezzled by the brother of the founder. They've been under investigation in various states for money laundering, voter fraud, and housing fraud. The President feels the best way for Acorn to improve its image is a advertising campaign since that's what won him the White House."

An Acorn spokesperson said the organization is attempting to refurbish its image in part by ad slogans like "Pimps and Ho's Ain't Our Only Business" and "Dead Voters Should Count Too!".

Nobel Goes to Sleeping Obama

OSLO/Washington -- A sleeping President Obama was awakened just before 6am by a presidential aide who informed him that he had just won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Unofficial sources say that the initial response was, "for what?" and the aide had no immediate answer. When later asked what his plans were, Mr. Obama declared that he was "going to Disneyworld!"

Nobel insiders say that the award was given in part for the very activity Mr. Obama was engaging in at the time the award was given: sleeping.

"Vee feel that President Obama is deserving of the Nobel Prize for Peace precisely for the fact that he's not doing anything. After eight years of an activist Bush Adminstration, our relief at the Obama Administration is commensurate."

Many applaud the consistency of the prize; after having become something of a cartoon after Ronald Reagan was stiffed, it has continued its tradition of non-seriousness and has added levity to an otherwise stuffy Nobel ceremony.

Previous winners include Albert "Don't Call Me Pujols" Gore and Hillary "Who Painted It?" Clinton.