Health Care Summit Held, Endured

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Republicans and Democrats gathered together today for an extensive photo op to prove to the American people that Republicans and Democrats could gather together and disagree.

"Never before has so much brainpower been in the same room since Pauly Shore dined alone," offered one bystander, who declined to be identified, "and that certainly includes the President, who seems intent on spending us into oblivion."

Bill Nye the Un-Science Guy

He argues for Global Warming using data from the IPCC.

Meanwhile, the IPCC announces 'significant changes' to the way it operates in order to remove conflicts of interest and political motivation from reports and data it generates. These changes are in response to admissions of errors of easily verifiable factual data, subversion of the peer review process, and outright fabrications it has published in support of the AGW movement.

So Bill, what say you now? Still gonna hold up those IPCC charts to support your argument?  -CE

Obama Wants Students Prepared for College, Careers

President Obama said today:

"After my term, when the Republicans again have control of Congress and the White House, I want the country prepared for the economic rebound that will result. When the Republicans fix the mess we've made of the economy, I want our kids ready to go to college and get jobs in an economy where unemployment will be back in the single digits."

Public Loses Faith in Junk Science & Media Hype

The world's best scientists created data to support the connection between CO2 and Global Warming. The media hyped Anthropogenic Global Warming with all their might. But the public at large is losing faith in these measures -- realizing that the earth is really not warming to catastrophic temperatures.
--CE

More Wrong 'Facts' Published by the IPCC

The IPCC Climate report published in 2007 states that 55% of the Netherlands is below sea level, implying that 55% of the country is susceptible to flooding if sea levels rise due to Global Warming. In reality, only 26% of the Netherlands is below sea level.

The IPCC responded by saying that the error was widely quoted by other organizations as well, and repeated Vice Chairman Ypersele's Orwellian claim that errors the IPCC publishes "increase the credibility of the IPCC."

If Ignorance is Strength, the IPCC is a very strong organization.   -CE

US Taxpayer Fantasy: DC Storms Save Taxpayers $$$

Each day bureaucrats in Washington can't get to the office to spend taxpayer dollars, we defer federal spending by twenty-four hours, saving taxpayers $250,000,000 in interest payments. Other benefits include slowing legislation in Congress, and having fewer news stories about how Congress is spending our children's future on unsustainable entitlements.

As a result of gov't employees in DC being forced to take a day off -- per-capita productivity in the US rises by 1.1%.

Oh well, back to reality...   -CE

CBS Anchor Sticks Crayon Up Nose

NEW YORK, NY--The CBS Evening News made news of its own yesterday when anchor Katie Couric stuck a red crayon up her right nostril.

Couric's action came immediately after reading from a teleprompter a report criticizing Sarah Palin for referring to notes written on her hand. Palin, in a speech at a recent Tea Party Convention, had joked about President Obama's reliance on the teleprompter.

Couric said that she defends the use of the teleprompter over notes on the hand but then, as if to emphasize how silly the network news has gotten, stuck a Crayola up her nose.

The attention-getting act was almost immediately seen by network executives as a desperate bid to lift CBS from the ratings cellar.

Couric, a lifelong member of "Big Media", was not immediately available for comment.

iPhonitis Strikes Again

KANSAS CITY, MO-- A local man who changed his name from Robert Montgomery to iBob Montgomery was treated and released from Missouri General Hospital today for "iPhonitis", a condition found among the most hardcore of the iPhone-addicted.

Montgomery, who received his iPhone last August and compulsively checks his phone every few seconds, was found on the ground semi-conscious muttering "there's an app for that." Paramedics tried to pry the iPhone from his right hand without success.

While in the hospital he asked that friends update his Facebook & Twitter accounts.

In recent days "iBob" had told a family member that his thumb had ballooned to three times its normal size.

"Never a good sign," said his brother iBill.

NYCAG Cuomo Adds Self to NYC Lawsuit

Well, it appears Cuomo should since it reads like a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde terror plot. First, Dr Jekyll (A. Cuomo) serves as secretary of HUD under Clinton. During his tenure, he "establishes new affordable housing goals requiring Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to buy $2.4 trillion in mortgages in the next ten years."

Fast forward ten years later, and those same policies broadened by Congress have resulted in a gigantic financial meltdown. Now Mr. Hyde (A. Cuomo) files a lawsuit against Bank of America and others for following the guidelines he continues to take credit for.

I wouldn't make a good juror for that trial -- I think Cuomo's guilty.   -CE