Oprah Woman!

"....More powerful than a Secretary of State! Able to sell obscure books with a single breath!"

She was a brash young television talk show host who secretly hypnotized millions of suburban housewives into doing her will, like Leonard Nimoy did to those dudes who dress up and go to Star Trek conventions.

"May the Oprah Effect be with you!" chanted her followers. As Liz Lemon of "30 Rock" said when asked her religion, "I do whatever Oprah tells me."

"She saved the publishing industry with one hand tied behind her back by starting a TV book club," said a member of the Council on Foreign Relations who declined to be identified. "Later she backed an inexperienced presidential candidate who soon became President of the United States. Coincidence? I think not! She's OPRAH WOMAN! And she's ruling the world behind the scenes!"