Snope Dog E

If you're tired of the scams then Snope is the name
'Cuz I don't play those lame old email games
I get five a day and they tell me that it's real
but it turns out they're not and it makes me wanna squeal.

CHOR:'Cuz you know I'm the Snope dog
and I'm always callin' "Hoax!"
'cuz my homies don't stay real
and I gotta correct the folks.

Let me set it for you strait y'all
Cuz you make me want to holla
you won't type snopes.com
Gets me hot unner the colla'

CHORUS

'Lizbeth is the queen of the chain email
she hits the Forward button like she's gettin' out of jail
Won't go to snopes.com for love or money
so I holla's HOAX, oh it's just too funny...

CHORUS

"Don't dial 876!", "You gotta see this"
"Forward to your friends" and don't nobody miss
But the Snope Dawg's on the watch and I'm gonna holla Hoax
if you don't check your facts and get yer butt out to Snopes.

Herod to be Given Honorary Degree

TEL AVIV- Herod, who like Cher and Ludacris needs no last name, will be given a posthumous honorary degree at Moses University on May 17th. A distant descendant will give the commencement address in his stead.

The invitation has not been without controversy, primarily from Jews upset by Herod's policy of killing the innocents in order to secure his position. Supporters point to the fact that it's customary to honor the Roman leader in Israel and that Herod has done many fine things in addition to being Israel's first ruler of Edomite ancestry.

The president of the university, Rabbi Terra, issued this letter to the graduates yesterday:

I am saddened that many friends of MU have suggested that our honoring Herod indicates ambiguity in our position on matters of Jewish teaching. The University and I are unequivocally committed to the sanctity of human life, although not necessarily if it means the death of a promising political career, such as the man we will honor at our graduation ceremony.

All ought applaud Herod the Great's views and policies on temple building, expanding health care to the farflung territories east of the Jordan, alleviating poverty, and building peace through diplomacy while at the same time not withdrawing precipitously from Egyptistan and Turkraq.

UN WHO Still Hoping for Flu Pandemic

The World Health Organization is still trying to hype the latest flu outbreak as a pandemic, even though this strain of the flu has proven to be less of a health threat than the seasonal flu.

WHO spokesman Thomas Abominable said "We hope to be able to use the media outlets to scare enough people into thinking that this flu outbreak is a pandemic with serious consequences that people actually start to take us seriously. Both the WHO and the UN have been disregarded and derided repeatedly in recent years, and we're hoping to hype this made-up threat to World Health into something we can use to better our image."

WHO are they trying to dupe, anyway? -CE

Ballplayer Fails Drug Test; Blames Space Aliens

NEW YORK, NY -- Manny Ramierez was suspended for 50 games by Major League Baseball yesterday after failing a team drug test.

There was no immediate comment from the commissioner's office concerning the specific violation other than Ramierez tested positively for a banned substance.

"Recently I was driving in the New Mexican desert and from out of nowhere the sky opened up, " Ramirez said at a press conference in Los Angeles. "There was this large sphere that had orange and green lights on it, and it emitted a laser beam that stopped my car and one of the aliens popped out of the hovercraft and injected me with what I now assume was a banned substance."

Vatican 'hampered' new Hanks film (and Rightly So!)

Director Ron Howard has accused the Vatican of trying to hamper the filming of his new movie, Angels & Demons, starring Tom Hanks. Many of the movie's supporters suggest that certain members of the Catholic Faith were unhappy with "The Da Vinci Code" because that film suggests that Jesus married Mary Magdalene and had children, creating a royal bloodline that Church officials kept secret for centuries.

I'd like to suggest that people in general are unhappy with the film because if you could watch the whole thing, it actually stole 149 minutes of your life that you'll never get back (174 minutes if you viewed the 'extended DVD version').

If the Vatican did hamper this new effort, I say well done Pope Benedict! I only wish someone had the sense not bankroll the first film "The DaVinci Code" ... The offerings at Columbia Pictures must be scarce indeed because they've backed Angels and Demons -- they even signed up Hanks, which is sad to see him waste his acting talent on such an empty plot and tired storyline.

"My only frustration as a film-maker is that we actually reached out a couple of times, to sort of offer opportunities for bishops and others just to see the film. And those opportunities have all been declined," Ron Howard said.

My only question is this: Why does Ron Howard and company want to punish Bishops with a viewing of these films? Only thing I can figure is he must not like them ...  -CE

Miss USA Pageant to be Outsourced to India

NEW YORK, NY -- Think national beauty pageants are one thing that can't be outsourced?

Think again.

The producer of the Miss USA pageant announced yesterday that next year's contest has been outsourced to India.

"It was a decision made by the higher-ups," he said. "As a cost-saving measure the pageant will be held in New Delhi where production costs are minimal. To preserve the environment and to save money on flights, contestants will be limited to residents living within a few hours of New Delhi, effectively limiting the field to young women of Indian extraction. Fortunately there are some very beautiful young Indian women."